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Funny things overheard in The Witcher 3

You’re walking through the game, minding your own business, when someone, somewhere says this, and you overhear it… Did you just hear that right?!

Various random drunks:
“Got so fucked up once, blood came out me ears.”
“Another day, gone to shit.”
“Boring as fucking shite.”
“I think I pissed me trousers.”
“Help! Save me. I’m dying – of poverty.”
“Arse piss!”
“Nothing hurts as much as life.”
“Got right cabbaged last night. Head feels like it’s full of sauerkraut.”

Middle class townies:
“What say you we hop over to a brothel this eve?”
“Eternal Fire protects us! It gives monsters the shits!”
“Make friends with a bathhouse, because what’s wafting off you… Whew!”
“My wife’s mum is an old Succubus. Drains my will to live.”
“Have you drove off all the monsters then?”
“You’d be less pale if you ate raw onions…”
“You’ll look fuckin’ amazin’. On top of me.”
Overheard from a person shopping at a market: “There are mouse droppings in this loaf of bread!” Stall owner: “They’re not mouse droppings – they’re raisins!” Customer: “Then why do they smell like shit?!”

“Yer mum shat ye out, now the grave’ll take ye back!”
Pirate Leader on Kaer Almhult

“He’s ours! Cunt’s ours!” – various bandits

Man: “Greta, do you fancy a plough?”
Woman: “My name’s not Greta.”
Man: “That’s not what I asked.”
Overheard between some locals in Velen

And finally one of my favourites:
“I’ve sweat dripping down my bumfurrow.”Toussaint vineyard workers

Published by Mallo

Writer and screenshot enthusiast. Ex-PC Zoner.

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